A shift in perspective

I can feel something shifting in me. This morning was the first morning in ages that I've woken up and not felt a sense of dread or anxiety upon opening my eyes before greeting a new day.

I've been practicing cardiac coherence or coherent breathing 2 to 3 times a day 5 minutes each time: morning, midday and before bed time. Perhaps, that combined with a few months of cognitive behavioral therapy is changing the way I perceive things, the way I think, act and finally my habits.

Friday, I actually came home to find that I had forgotten to check the computer's power bar and the house hadn't burned down to the ground.

So today, as I left the house to go swim, then go grocery shopping and later to a kiddy birthday party, I purposefully left the power bar on, turned on the power bar for my guitar amp and left the TV on. These are all things that I never do. Again, I came home to find that the house was still standing.

So, O.C.D. seems to be getting tamed after almost a decade of suffering. The last step for me is getting over travel anxiety. I used to travel a lot and most often on my own or joining others at a rendez-vous point overseas. After tragic events described earlier in this blog, I stopped traveling cold turkey. I haven't been able to get up in the saddle since.

Recent attempts at booking a vacation turned out to be an experience in mismatched expectations and I began get stressed out by the whole process and I backed out. It didn't feel right but I figured that it was just my anxiety screaming at me again. I felt disappointed in myself and I felt as if I had failed.

I have not failed. I have just found 10 000 ways that won't work.

Thomas Edison

I was even scared of telling my therapist last week that I hadn't booked a flight and hotel somewhere. I described the situation and she understood and supported me. I told her that I haven't decided against going away, but maybe I wouldn't make plans so far ahead and just stay open to possibilities.

Mindfulness is teaching me not to have expectations and to live this moment fully. A few minutes ago, I mentioned to family that I was thinking of buying a tent in case I want to go camping this summer. As I walked past their garage, I was offered the same kind of tent I was hoping to buy and lessons in how to put it up.

So maybe not stressing about planning is a good way for me to go on about my life right now.

Acceptance
Enjoyment
Enthusiasm

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Thomas A. Edison

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasaed132683.html#6hMB0uktqamYkTsu.99I have not failed. I have

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Thomas A. Edison

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasaed132683.html#6hMB0uktqamYkTsu.99

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Thomas A. Edison

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/thomasaed132683.html#6hMB0uktqamYkTsu.99