Michael A. Singer
Untethered Soul
It's been almost 2 weeks since I've overly checked anything. I've even forgotten to turn off lights in the kitchen or left my phone at home. Nothing important.
I feel liberated.
I check the front door, the cat and I scan the kitchen. Then, I leave. I've hardly checked any of the other things which used to get me going in circles for long agonizing minutes before leaving to go literally anywhere.
How have I done this?
With help.
The process took a few months of reprogramming how I thought about things and honestly looking at what was dangerous, what isn't, in what circumstances something bad could happen, and to what degree each fear was actually dangerous on a scale from 0 to 100. (A hundred being a gun to your head.)
I've had to learn to, well, let go.
I have had to relearn to accept:
-that I am not, never was and never will be in control of life's events
-that I'm not responsible for most of the stuff for which I have felt guilt and shame
-that things happen and you and I will just have to deal with it the best we can
-that at some point you have to move on or you just stay stuck
-that living life involves risk and that it is possible to gauge risk in a reasonable way
-that living in a state of fear is a tremendous waste of energy and it becomes a full time project
-that life must be lived in balance and that I must not participate in the extremes of life but let the pendulum come to rest in the middle
"You must reach the point where your whole interest lies in the balance and not in any personal preference for how things should be...Life happens, you're there, but you don't make it happen. There is no stress, there is no burden.
Michael A. Singer
Untethered Soul
I'm also learning to create healthy habits that I can rest upon when the doubting gremlins try to get a hold of my mind.
Being fully present in space and time helps me be grounded yet at times somewhat detached even in the most stressful events. When my mind wanders, and it does, I gently bring myself back to now and the task at hand whether it be preparing a salad to swimming laps and making my movements as efficient and economical as possible.
I've practiced gratitude for years now, but learning to combine gratitude with being fully present and being grateful for this moment, here and now, has somehow made a significant shift in my perception. It's like that synergistic state of mind leading up to impact when driving a perfect golf shot. Your whole being, mind and body, is focusing and working together with laser beam accuracy on one precise moment.I quit playing golf over a decade ago because I started being extremely competitive and unkind with myself, but I remember that perfect moment of impact as absolutely priceless.
This week, I was involved in and witness a sudden crisis event which evolved over about 90 minutes. I felt totally present and aware of each passing moment during that crisis and was able to do what was needed while we waited for help to arrive. I also remember feeling like an observer. I was fully present yet somehow detached. I was in the eye of the storm in a state of calmness and I knew that no matter how bad things got, that time would propel all of those involved in the crisis to eventually move on. For some, that would be sooner than later. For others, it could be a long road ahead.
But that's it isn't it? It's all about the journey. The destination can be beautiful and exciting, but really, it's the journey which makes it all memorable. I've wondered for a long time why my life took the detour into O.C.D. and anxiety, but I guess one could wonder why anything happens.
This is part of my journey. I might as well accept it and learn from it. And if sharing about this struggle is helpful to anyone else, well, I guess it was all worth it.
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